There are numerous ways events or people can be memorialized, whether in the form of erecting a monument or observing a special day of the year. Often there will be an inscription engraved on the monument as a tribute to a person or event in the interest of paying respect and homage with the hope that the memory of them won’t die away. 

All too often the only ones the monument will mean anything to the most will be those who knew the person or witnessed the event in question. Subsequent generations will only be able to base their appreciation on what was handed down to them based on the quality of the effort made by those handing it down. 

In time the memory becomes not much more than legend. One may start to wonder whether the effort to preserve the memory was worthwhile since the words spoken about the person or event are so removed by many years and an ever-evolving culture. How do we set about to make the good words spoken have meaning and staying power?

When we hear the word eulogy, which means “good word,” we often picture a memorial scene or a funeral where surviving loved ones come to the microphone and share a fond memory they have regarding the “dearly departed.” In all likelihood, those who have gathered for such an event have a direct enough connection to the one being honored that the words being spoken resonate with them. 

It is a bitter-sweet moment recalling the good times while at the same time realizing that you can no longer share the memory of these moments with the one who has passed on. Such statements are heard in conversations that follow the event like, “I wish they could have seen who all came to this.” Or “I wish I could sit down with them and visit just one last time.” There are also times when the words in these conversations are a lament. “I wish our relationship had been better. Or “I wish we had been on better speaking terms.” It seems like all too often it takes something like death for someone to admit they could have done better.

Years ago, there was a man I knew who served as an elder. There was one thing in particular he said that I don’t think I will ever forget even if I still fall short of observing it. He said it is vital that when we are bidding farewell to someone, to take great care in the issuing of our “parting words.” His point wasn’t so much about whether you are dealing with a difficult relation, but more that you simply don’t know if those will be the last words you speak to them in this life. It takes effort and probably some grit to make sure your parting words are good words in the face of a difficult relationship. “Making the most of the opportunity” cannot be overstated. More often than not we do not know when that “last time” will present itself.

Another man I knew years ago who also served as an elder also said something that has always stayed with me. He related the time when his mother had passed away and his brother and he were discussing final arrangements with the funeral director. The director essentially said to them, “You boys are going to really want to honor your mother in the best way possible.” Of course, the director had dollar signs in his eyes as he was hoping they would be “putting on the ritz” for their mother’s final farewell. The man telling this story said to the director, “Any honor or gestures of respect dedicated to my mother should have been given when she was still here to receive them.”

I suspect that some regrets at a time like this come as a result of believing, “They already know how I feel about them.” Or “I know I should say something more often than I do, but…” Or, “I meant to send them a card for their birthday. I’ll do it next year.” When we bet against time we will lose.

If you have a good word about someone, share it with them. Today! You can never know the difference it will make in their life no matter how much more time they may have.